On the outside looking within

Tears are words that need to be written

Nine months into living in Taiwan and one journal is complete. This week, I began a class on female archetypes. One thing about taking spiritual courses that I’ve found is that not everything will resonate with me.  Some classes are more helpful than others.  I usually learn something from the content or others in the course that I can take with me.  Sometimes I’ll meet people in the class and we connect, which leads me to someone else.  That is how I found my healer, Sara. 

What is an archetype?  It is a very typical example of a person or thing.  In this class, we learn about the feminine archetypes: The lover, the wise woman, the hunter, the mother, the maiden, the huntress, and the queen.  Learning about the roles of these archetypes has hit me hard in numerous ways. First, seeing my wounds for what they are. It’s rough. Don’t feel good about myself, and this was exposed in my lessons. I am not taking care of Dawn. Lack of self-care from not eating healthy to just not feeling motivated to do the things that lift me up. I haven’t been taking baths, meditating like I used to, journaling, and getting out. All those things light me up. It feels like my flame has dimmed.  I think I’m avoiding meditation because there are things that I don’t want to see about myself. As soon as my eyes close, I cry.

I’ve been disconnected from sensuality for a long time, and I don’t feel at home in my own body. The pleasure I get in the world is from nature. I need to find that pleasure within me. Then connect that joy with other humans. I will get there. I never give up on myself, no matter what. Deep down, I know I’m a gift from the Universe, and I chose to come down to Earth to live, to heal, and help others. I’ll figure it out.

Second, this class exposes just how little representation there is in the spiritual community of LGBTQ  humans. From my perspective, I have participated in numerous courses and spiritual workshops, and many times there are 1 to 2 members of the LGBTQ community. I found myself frustrated with this as I read posts about sisters and their lives that are unrelatable.  I asked the Universe to help me find a group that can understand all of Dawn, that can truly empathize and relate to my relationships with women. Maybe I’ll start my own spiritual support group for gay women where we can having relatable discussions.

 If anyone is interested, DM me @agaygirlinanexpatworld

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